Managing Your Emotions
“Emotions are not just feelings, but the meaning we make from a given situation. ”
Recently I read a post that stated, “Your trauma may not be your fault, but your healing IS your responsibility.” WOW! That truly resounded with me, not just for my own personal journey, but it also triggered me to think about so many people I know.
With no exaggeration, there are literally millions of people walking around emotionally wounded today. We see it played out through brutality, bullying, road rage, gang violence, and systemic racism just to name a few. Daily news reports are strewn with incidents that demonstrate just how damaged we are. Depression and anxiety are at an all-time high. We run the gamut of low self-esteem and lack of confidence to arrogance and narcissism. No matter where we are on the spectrum, our emotions are at play.
According to psychology Professor James Gross, there are four components of feeling an emotion:
1. the situation you are in (whatever is happening to you at that moment);
2. the details you pay attention to;
3. your appraisal of what the situation means for you personally; and
4. your response, including the physical changes (like blushing or shaking), and your behaviors (like shouting or crying).
Some people think that managing your emotions means not showing them. Have you seen or known people who won’t allow themselves to express those very real, natural feelings like love, compassion, or caring? That can do more harm than good. On the other hand, we also may have seen people who openly exhibit hatred and fits of rage. Those people feel they are entitled to act upon those emotions.
To explain our actions, it often turns to blame. We blame our mothers, our bosses, the government, and even God. However, we must stop the blame game and begin to take responsibility for how we handle life and all that comes with it.
Being totally transparent, I have often allowed myself the luxury of wallowing in fear, depression, and self-pity. In these situations, I acted out terribly. When I reflected back on how I responded in some of those situations, it was downright funny. Talk about drama queen! However, those times also caused me to sabotage myself and miss out on some wonderful opportunities.
There are literally millions of articles and books to help us learn how to stabilize these emotions, and yet, many of us never seem to become truly emotionally stable. With just the right trigger, we find ourselves spiraling again. Why is that?
This is just my opinion, of course, but I believe the primary reason is that we are trying to control our emotions through our own strength instead of through the Creator of our very lives. God’s Word addresses how to manage our emotions. We must be careful about how we let things affect us, the people we give power to, and how we respond under various circumstances.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23 NIV
I have found that the best way to guard my heart is by connecting with God and letting the Holy Spirit direct my emotions. It is not easy, either; there are times I still struggle. But now I find it much easier to get myself under control when I relinquish my feelings over to Him. It’s nothing spooky or mysterious, it just entails reminding myself that God is in control, and He will work things out for my good. As I said, it’s not easy but it does bring me a sense of peace. I also sought professional help. That’s how I take responsibility for my healing.
How will you take responsibility for your healing? I coach women through their areas of discomfort to transform their lives. If you would like to see how this type of coaching could help you, contact me at Lois@thepathwaycoach.com. I’m here to help you emerge from our coaching sessions feeling affirmed, strengthened, and focused on who you are becoming. I hope to hear from you soon.
Blessings and favor,
Lois
